Posts tagged online dating

No sooner do I post the rest of my Justin story and finally start to feel like I’m over the whole thing, an e-mail from Justin pops up in my inbox! All it said was, “Hey, How’s it going? Cold out there, huh?” My initial thought was, are you fucking kidding me??!  I don’t hear from the guy since our extremely awkward past encounter and that’s the best he can do? Banal chat about the weather??  You can’t be serious.

But then it got me thinking…Could I have read too much into things?  Is it possible I imagined the abrupt change in vibes? Am I going crazy? Just in case, I decided to play things very cool and not let on that I think things are totally weird. If he’s going to act like nothing’s changed, I won’t either.  Two can play at this game!

After I responded nonchalantly, we exchanged a couple more very casual e-mails that led to nothing.  Why the hell is he contacting me to talk about nothing?? What is this guy’s deal?  Ahhh!!!!!!

Where did I leave off? So things with Justin #2 started out really well. He was acting super into me—calling every night and initiating getting together—and things seemed to be progressing quickly. Unfortunately, things went South equally quickly.

I detected some weirdness when I spoke to him on the phone the night after I went to his apartment and didn’t stay over.  It was good that he called me, “just to say hi,” but the conversation was very brief and he sounded oddly detached. And he didn’t mention anything about getting together over the weekend. It was particularly weird since we’d exchanged some flirty emails during the day at work, and he friended me on Facebook.

I spent all the next day analyzing things in my head and trying to figure out what could have caused the sudden change of attitude, and if I was going to hear from Justin again. It was so distracting that I finally decided to bite the bullet and contact him. I shot him a casual email just to say hello. He replied asking if I was free the next night, which made me think maybe he just needed the reassurance that I was still into him?

That definitely seemed to be the case because later that same night, Justin drunk dialed me wanting to get together. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I was in a sound slumber at that time (2:30am) on a Friday night, but whatever. I can’t party like a rock star every night.  The first time he called I didn’t answer because, well, I was sleeping.  But then he called again a minute later and I picked up out of curiosity (making sure to remove my retainer).  He didn’t sound drunk but he clearly was, or wouldn’t be calling at that hour requesting that I “come out and meet him.”  And he definitely wouldn’t have said he “didn’t care” when I explained I was unshaven, sporting my high-water plaid pants and an over-sized t-shirt, with zit cream dotting my face.  In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have been so forthcoming with that info, but I was half asleep and not thinking clearly.

Flash forward to Saturday, the night of our actual planned date. I went over to Justin’s around 7:30.  At his suggestion, we had dinner at a local sushi place and then walked around the city for a while.  As we were walking, he put his arm around me a few times and held my hand, which made me a little uncomfortable (I’m not really a touchy-feely, PDA type person with people I hardly know), but I tried to go with the flow.  On the way back, we stopped at a pub to have a drink.  At one point Justin started talking about South Park, describing an episode where Bono turns out to be a piece of shit.  Literally a piece of shit.  I tried to act engaged at the detailed synopsis, although bathroom humor isn’t one of my biggest turn-ons.  Following our beers and captivating conversation about bodily functions, Justin asked if I wanted to watch a movie at his place. The night was still young so I agreed.  

We actually watched the full movie before getting at all physical. Most guys don’t even wait for the previews to end before they pounce! Once the end credits started rolling, Justin invited me to stay over again.  The truth was I actually wanted to stay but I knew that my staying over implied sex, which I’m not in the habit of engaging in on a second date, call me old fashioned.  Justin’s response to my reservations was “I’m not worried about it,” which struck me as an odd thing to say.  What the hell does that mean?  But I didn’t read much into it and decided, what the hell, I’d stay.  

From that point on, things got increasingly weird.  We got into bed and started hooking up (non  sex hooking up) and I instantly noticed that whatever spark or connection I had previously felt was totally gone. Total 180. The hook up did not last long. After the sub par hook up, Justin mumbled something about it being hot, rolled over and turned his back towards me.  That’s how he stayed until this morning when his cell phone went off, blasting an obnoxious ring tone.

Without a word, Justin got up and disappeared into the other room. When he came back, he was wearing workout clothes and a baseball hat and said he was going to the gym.  No “Would you like a cup of coffee, some breakfast, maybe?” He didn’t even ask if I wanted a freaking glass of water.  Apparently his manners had disappeared overnight along with his interest in me.  

Sensing the extreme awkwardness, I quickly gathered my few things and made sure it wasn’t obvious to the world that I’d just spent the night in some random guy’s bed.  We walked out together and Justin gave me a forced peck on the lips, saying he’d talk to me later.  But the vibe had clearly changed, and I pretty much knew I would not be hearing from him later.

When, as expected, I didn’t hear from him later that night, I shot him an email on Monday to gauge his response.  He responded with the shortest possible answer and didn’t follow it up with any questions to prolong the conversation. So I think it’s pretty safe to say that things with Justin are over.  I know they’d hardly started so I really shouldn’t even care, but I have to admit that I do, and that makes me even more mad.  I hate that I give a shit.  I just really felt something with this guy and allowed myself to get my hopes up.  I should have known better.  You know what they say, things that seem too good to be true usually are.  Well I certainly learned my lesson.

It’s been about a month now since my first date with Justin. I wish I could say I’ve been MIA on my blog because I’ve been so busy being romanced by him, but the truth is, he turned out to be a COMPLETE jerk. So disappointing.

Here’s what happened. After our whirlwind first date, Justin seemed really interested in me. He contacted me right away about getting together again, and not just through texting—he actually called! We made plans to get together the Wednesday after our first date, but wound up having to change it because of some work conflict, or so he claimed. Anyway, at least he called me to let me know, and instead of pushing the date off to later, he actually wanted to get together Tuesday (a day earlier!). I was really eager to see him again too, so I agreed. In retrospect, it probably made me seem too available, but I wasn’t at all worried about that at the time.

As it turned out, I didn’t wind up seeing Justin that Tuesday because he got out of work too late. I heard from him around 10 when he was leaving the office (guess that’s one of the downsides of being a hotshot NYC lawyer) and we agreed to meet up Wednesday after all. By “meet up” I mean he called me at 9pm and asked if I wanted to hang out at his place. Now normally I would never agree to something like that. It’s very out of character for me to go to the apartment of some guy I just met, but I really didn’t feel weird about it.  I know that technically we’d only been on one date, but it lasted 11 hours, so it felt closer to five dates.

I was only there for a couple hours, but we watched TV and talked. I had a really good time. We did kiss a bit—finally!—but it was all very innocent.  And it helped prove that the chemistry was definitely there, since you never really know until you kiss.  Sometimes you think you have chemistry and then you kiss and… nothing; it’s like sucking face with a brick wall.  But I definitely felt something.  The only question was: did he feel the same “connection”??

He must have, because when it was nearing midnight, Justin asked me to stay over.  Given that we hardly know each other, not to mention that we both had work the next day, I didn’t even consider it.  But Justin was cool about it and walked me out to get a cab, saying he’d call Thursday. And call he did.

I hate to do this again but I just realized how much more of the story I have left to tell and how late it’s getting. I have a bunch of stuff I still need to do before starting the work week tomorrow, so I need to pause here. To be continued….

I’ve been dying to post about my recent date with Justin #2!  Things were crazy with work this past week—I had to go on an unexpected business trip—and they’re just now settling down enough for me to write this.

Anyway, I had my first date with Justin #2 last Saturday. I’ll try to give an accurate rundown of events, but the whole experience is kind of a blur.  We planned to meet around 2 to grab coffee, so I naturally assumed I’d be back home by 5 tops. None of my other dates so far have lasted over two hours, and even THAT can feel like an eternity. But what was supposed to be a quick coffee somehow turned into—well you’ll see….

The date started out like any other, very casual. We met outside the Starbucks near my apartment. As I crossed the street and spotted him in front of the shop leaning against a parking meter, I felt instant relief to see that he actually looks like his pictures. He’s not my usual type—tall and dark—but is attractive nonetheless, despite his slicked back hair.  I’m not normally a fan of the greaser look but he somehow pulls it off. After exchanging hellos, we entered Starbucks to get a little mid-afternoon pick-me-up.  Since it was a beautiful fall day and Central Park was only steps away, we decided to take our coffee to the park and walk around. Conversation seemed to flow pretty naturally as we discussed our backgrounds, the awesomeness of Target, and our love of the film Cinema Paradiso. We were totally on the same page! After a couple hours of talking and with our coffee long gone, Justin suggested we get a real drink.  I don’t usually imbibe in the middle of the afternoon but I was actually enjoying the conversation (and how often has that happened recently?!) so I agreed.

Over beers at a local pub, we carried on two more hours of semi-stimulating conversation before Justin proposed we get dinner.  I hesitated at first because, let’s face it, that kind of persistence from a total stranger is a little weird.  But since I couldn’t think of a good reason not to—after all, I’m trying to follow everyone’s advice and live more in the moment—I figured, “what the hell?”  So we headed out to find a restaurant.  We settled on an Italian place, pretty new to my neighborhood.  It was still early for dinner in the city so the restaurant was nearly deserted, but I hardly noticed.  I was too focused on trying to decipher my date.

I kept waiting for Justin to reveal some terrible flaw. He had to be an ex-convict, a former drug addict, or freshly released from a mental institution, but no skeletons emerged.  A bottle of wine, a plate of pasta and a tiramisu later, the check finally arrived.  Fully expecting to call it a night, I began contemplating what I should say to avoid the end-of-date awkwardness likely to ensue, but before I could formulate my thoughts, Justin asked if I was up for seeing a movie.  After pondering it for a minute and acting on yet another rare moment of spontaneity, I figured I really had nothing to lose, so I said yes.

Our movie of choice didn’t begin for a while so we stopped by another bar to kill some time.  It amazed me that we still hadn’t run out of things to talk about.  After another beer for him and water for me (the last thing I needed was to be drunk at the movies) we made our way to the theater.  I was curious to see whether Justin would try anything in the dark—it was the perfect locale if that’s what he was after—but he was a complete gentleman. By the time the movie ended it was nearly 1am and I worried that my roommate might think I was lying in a ditch somewhere, so we finally ended the evening and said our goodbyes.  Justin gave me a quick peck on the lips and said he’d call me. I climbed into a cab, my head spinning with thoughts about the whirlwind date I’d just experienced.

Sure enough, as I sat at brunch the next day, completely immersed in my banana stuffed French toast, I noticed a missed call.  It was from Justin.  He called to invite me to stop by his place because he and a friend were there watching a game.  Let me just stop for a minute and say that a guy calling—not texting—less than 24 hours after a date is completely unheard of in my world of dating, and pretty damn refreshing.  I figured if he didn’t feel weird about calling me so soon, I shouldn’t feel weird about going to see him. So later in the afternoon I dropped by for a couple hours and hung out with him and his friend.  I think it went well. Seeing Justin outside of a date setting, in the comfort of his own home—which is spotless and super nice by the way—affirmed my positive assessment of him from the first night.  When I left he thanked me for stopping by and we made tentative plans to get together again soon.

You can imagine my surprise then to hear from him again Sunday night, not once but twice! The first time he called to say that he didn’t have to work as he originally thought and was wondering if I wanted to come over.  (God this guy must be really into me!) I turned him down, since I was tired and had things to do before the start of another grueling workweek (plus, being a little elusive is never a bad thing), but I have to say it’s flattering that he wants to see so much of me. A couple hours later he called AGAIN, this time just to chat. Because of my work trip and the fact that he’s out of town this weekend, I haven’t been able to see him again yet, but we’re supposed to get together this week. I think this guy might be a keeper! So far he’s doing all the right things. Can he be for real? Does it all seem a little too easy? I don’t want to get my hopes up but I have a really good feeling. Can’t wait to see him again!

In case you’re wondering how things went with Justin #2, we actually had to reschedule the date till this Saturday, so I’m meeting up with him later this afternoon. We originally planned a date for last Saturday, but then that bizarre snow/rain/wind storm hit and ruined everything! Maybe that’s a sign that I shouldn’t be going out with him. OR, maybe it’s actually good luck (in the same way it’s supposedly good luck for it to rain on your wedding day). I’m hoping for the latter! Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes. I better start getting ready.

Now that I’ve had a few days to think things through, I realize Justin is not worth my time and I should just move on. Analyzing things to death is never productive—who the hell knows why we hit it off and then he disappeared from the face of the earth—so I should spare myself the frustration. Besides, I’ve been having some good convos with a different Justin and we have plans to go out on Saturday. I’m not sure what we’re doing yet, but at this point, I’m just looking forward to getting my mind off Justin #1. On to the next!

Sorry to leave you all hanging for so long. Okay, where was I? Pat and I finished up at the diner and had to figure out something else to do. Fortunately I didn’t have to think too hard because no sooner had we left the restaurant than Pat spotted a Tasti Delite and suggested we get a frozen yogurt. Apparently the omelet, toast and potatoes didn’t quite cut it. Fine by me. I had no interest in eating frozen yogurt since I wasn’t hungry, but I was glad for an opportunity to pass the time, so I readily agreed. 

As we sat while he ate his Tasti Delite, Pat told me about his apartment and mentioned his weekly dishwashing ritual.  After letting dishes pile up in the sink all week, he explained matter-of-factly, he finally washes them on the weekend. Imagining dirty plates stacked on top of one another and flies swarming around days-old remnants of food, I couldn’t help voice my disgust at this admission.  I don’t own a dishwasher either and don’t exactly love washing plates after I eat, but I’d much rather deal with the minor inconvenience than live among filth all week.  Maybe that’s just me.   

After leaving Tasti Delite, Pat proposed we go to a bookstore. There happened to be a Barnes and Noble just down the street and it’s always fun to browse books, so we decided to check it out. We started off in the bargain bin of the Food and Cooking section, which included really obscure topics, such as a book on “naughty cakes.” The discounted books were apparently on sale for a reason. After sharing a laugh at pictures of cakes shaped like a giant ass or erect penis, we headed upstairs and wandered around aimlessly, pretending to take interest in whatever section we happened to pass.  
At one point I made a comment about how dark it was already getting now that it’s fall and that the lack of sunlight was what I dreaded most about winter. In response, Pat said something about it being ironic, given that I look like a vampire. Noticing the look of offense on my face, Pat tried to backpedal, adding that I looked like an “attractive vampire.”  “Oh, really?” I questioned.  I’ve seen Twilight but somehow I don’t think those were the kind of vampires he had in mind. Pat continued to dig himself deeper into a hole by pointing out my prominent widows peak—a trademark of vampires—and the fact that my coat looked kind of like a cape.  “But you don’t have fangs,” Pat noted.  Oh gee, thanks! I thought. You really know how to charm a girl….   

By then I wasn’t too worried about prolonging the date any further so I asked Pat what train he was planning to get. He said he figured he’d just go to the station and get on the next available train. Sounded good to me! Since Pat lives outside the city and seemed nervous about being able to figure out the subway on his own—despite me explaining that there are signs saying “downtown” or “uptown”— I walked him to the subway turnstile and pointed him in the direction of the express train.  I gave him detailed directions about what stop to get off of and which way to go once off the subway.  He still seemed concerned, but I assured him I had faith in him and that he’d have no problems.  As we said awkward goodbyes, I felt more like I was parting from a son than a potential suitor.  Once Pat disappeared from my view, I headed back outside. I was heading uptown too but I preferred to walk and get some much-needed fresh air.  

I’m exhausted and really need to get to bed, but I wanted to at least start recounting my latest date. Oh, where do I begin with Pat….First off, I really wanted to like him. On paper he’s everything I’m looking for (besides being slightly younger than me). He graduated from a top school, has a good job, enjoys the same TV shows as me, and loves food (a huge plus), especially Indian and other ethnic varieties. But I’ve learned by now that what seems great on paper is usually not so great in real life.  Even still, as I got ready to go meet Pat, I couldn’t help but have high hopes.     

The instant I saw him I knew he wasn’t right for me. I can’t say he didn’t look at all like his photos, but they were very misleading. In person, his young age definitely showed.  He had the height thing going for him but was skinnier than I’d like and much more effeminate, and he seemed to lack the air of confidence I find so appealing.  We exchanged an awkward hug and I tried to mask my disappointment. It was already clear to me that we weren’t going to hit it off, but we had a date planned, so I tried to be pleasant and make the most of it.  A voice in my head told me to give the guy a chance and not be so quick to write him off, but I knew deep down that there was no way my feelings would change. 

We originally planned to get coffee—or some other type of drink since he apparently doesn’t like the taste (strike #1!)—but Pat expressed interest in having something to eat.  Despite eating lunch just a couple hours before, he was ready for lunch number two, so we hit up a diner instead, where he could have a real meal and I could just stick to coffee. 

Waiting for his food to arrive, Pat confessed to me that people often think he’s gay.  He went on to describe how men hit on him all the time, somehow thinking this might be a turn on for me.  I tried to act surprised about this, although, in all honesty, I had been questioning his sexually since our one phone conversation. Our talk eventually drifted to more ordinary things and we managed to keep things flowing throughout our brief time at the diner, but my mind kept drifting to thoughts of what else we could possibly do on this date.  A quick glance at my watch revealed that it hadn’t even been an hour, although it felt like eternity. He had come in from outside the city, so I couldn’t just bolt.  I had to at least pretend to make his trip worthwhile….

Hate to cut this short but if I don’t get some sleep I’m going to be worthless at work tomorrow.  More to come on Pat. Stay tuned.

Derek. Where did I leave off? So I noticed that the guy at the bar was looking at me kind of strangely, although he could have just been reacting to my blatant starring as I attempted to determine whether or not he could be Derek.  If it was him, his photo was certainly flattering.  Before I could make up my mind, the bartender came over and told me that the guy seated at the bar wanted to buy me a drink.  That seemed to settle it. Convinced the guy must be my date engaging in some kind of game (albeit an annoying one), I walked over to him and said,  “Hi, Derek?”  He looked confused and said he wasn’t Derek, at which point I laughed in embarrassment and apologized, explaining I mistook him for someone else.  Of course I didn’t feel right accepting a drink from the random guy and immediately going off to chat with someone else, so when the bartender came back with my wine, I paid for my own drink.  

Irked and embarrassed, I walked over to the guy seated at the window, who I took to be Derek by process of elimination. He confirmed that he was in fact Derek, and I jokingly explained what had just happened, although I was actually pretty annoyed. To my relief, Derek bore a much stronger resemblance to Jonathan Rhys Myers than Shrek.  Unfortunately, I was turned off before we exchanged even a single word.   Did he not see me come in or was he just enjoying watching me make a fool of myself?  Maybe it was his clever way of getting out of having to buy my drink.  Whatever.  Not a good way to start off.

I tried to forget about the embarrassing and irritating episode and chocked it up to a simple misunderstanding.  Maybe he was actually really cool in a dreamy, oblivious sort of way. Despite my optimism, it didn’t take long for me to decide he wasn’t.  He seemed kind of cocky and not very interested in learning more about me.  Aside from that, we didn’t  have much in common and definitely didn’t click.  So when he suggested we call it a night after a couple drinks, I willingly agreed.  We left the bar and walked together for a couple blocks, at which point we separated.  I was headed to the subway, and Derek, who lived within walking distance, (how very convenient for him!) was headed downtown to his apartment.  We skipped the usual pretense of suggesting we get together again and said quick goodbyes.  Not a great date by ANY stretch of the imagination.  Oh well.  I’m just getting started.  Better luck next time!

Where to start….The plan was to meet at a bar (of his choosing) at 8. Since the bar was in the East Village, quite a hike for me, I had to haul ass after work to go home and change and then get there on time.  A few blocks from the bar, I got a text from Derek saying he was there, that there were only two guys at the bar and that “I better choose the right one.”  Um…yeah, okay.  Maybe that was his attempt at a joke? Not funny, dude. Anyway, I made my way to the bar, fully expecting him to greet me when I arrived.  

Instead, I walked into the bar, which was a hole, complete with beer puddles and that indescribable rent-controlled stench. I glanced around awkwardly.  Let’s remember that I had a very vague picture to go by, and the bar was dark.  By that time, more people had arrived, but it was still pretty empty. There was a guy seated at the bar, and another one sitting by the window, with his back to me. Not quite knowing what to do since this was my first time ever doing something like this, I made my way to the counter and pretended to look at the menu, hoping my date would come over to me. Didn’t happen…

Hate to leave you guys hanging but I am seriously procrastinating at work right now (need to finish a project due by EOD) and don’t want to rush through this and leave out any thrilling detail. More later, promise!